Young men find it hard to talk, particularly about their feelings. They find it even harder to ask for help. But very often, the bravest word a young man can say is “help.”

Apparently, young men worry about family issues, abuse, bereavement, relationships, academic pressure, peer pressure, self-worth, bullying, sexuality, substance abuse, anxiety, depression, and, worst of all, self-harm and suicide. Research shows that males are more likely to kill themselves than females. All of this underlines the importance of boys talking.

It is okay to admit that we struggle with our emotions, and it is important to be honest about what we are going through. We live in a broken world (Rom. 8:18, 19). Suffering is real, so we need to normalize talking about our emotions and problems honestly and frankly. We can be honest about what we’re going through. There is nothing “manly” about bottling things up.

To that end, it is important that young men have trustworthy Christian friends, other young men with whom they can be candid. Find young men who will help you; then help them in return. Find friends who will hold you accountable, who will love you always, and who will help you through adversity (Prov. 17:17). In short, find a band of brothers (John 21:1–17). The best example of friendship in the Bible is probably that of David and Jonathan (1 Sam. 18–20). First, Samuel 18:1 says that their souls were knit together and that Jonathan loved David as his own soul. When they learned that they would not see each other again, they both wept—David wept the most (1 Sam. 20:41).

Besides close Christian friends, talk to your parents. Talk to your pastor. Talk to older, godly Christians. Additionally, you yourself should seek to be the sort of young man in whom others can confide. Look out for those who are struggling, whether it be in school or at church. Galatians 6:2 tells us to “bear one another’s burdens.”

You can become a good listener (bearing others’ burdens) in several ways. Be a loyal and trustworthy friend. Develop positive listening skills. Walk and talk, as most boys find it easier to talk openly shoulder to shoulder rather than face to face. Let others talk and tell their story without interrupting them. Ask them to repeat their story. After the second or third time they tell it, they will tend to repeat only the things that trouble them most—then, the real problem will become clearer. As they talk, pray that God would give you wisdom in what to say and that He would remind you of helpful Scripture verses. Point them to God’s Word. They may need to be reminded of or introduced to a particular doctrine, encouraged by a promise, or commanded to fulfill a duty.

Talk to yourself. Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones used to ask, “Do you realize that most of your unhappiness is because you are listening to yourself and not talking to yourself?”[1] In the Old Testament, the prophet Jeremiah talked to himself: “‘The LORD is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I hope in Him!’” (Lam. 3:24). Instead of despairing during tough times, he would remind himself that God was his.

Above all, talk to God. The Psalms are full of people who pour out their souls to God and talk to Him about their troubles. The Psalms can help us talk to God. Someone has said that while the Bible speaks to us, the Psalms speak for us.

We can be confident that God cares for us and listens to us. He knows what we are going through and says He will draw near to us: “The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit” (Ps. 34:18).

[1] D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cures (New York: HarperCollins, 1998), 20.

This article is a lightly edited excerpt from Call to Action: Become the Man God Designed You to Be by Alun Ebenezer.